Category Archives: housework

Q&A: Whites, Sex, and TV

I love reading everyone’s Q&A posts, so I decided to join in on the fun. I mean after all I am here to hand out my expertise in household orderliness or what not. Since I’m not that popular just yet, I had a little help from friends on the inaugural questions. So here we go the first ever:Ask the Housewife

QHow do you keep your family’s whites so white?

 

 ASimple, don’t wear them. People wonder why my family wears so much black. Because, well, let’s do the math.

math

Keeping whites their designated color takes time, time I really don’t want to spend doing laundry. But if you just can’t seem to part ways with the color, then I advise you to invest in a lot more time and laundry products and follow these tips.

  1. Wash whites separately.dirty-kid-rex
  2. Add a booster such as bleach, borax, etc. Use oxygen bleach, chlorine bleach will turn whites yellow.
  3.  Pre treat stains. You can use designated stain removers, liquid detergent, dishwashing liquid or even shampoo to get out sweaty and greasy stains. Just take a tooth-brush and rub the solution into the stain.
  4. Soak the heavily stained stuff.
  5. Use color removers (bought in the laundry aisle at the store) when the whites start to look dull.
  6. They make laundry products specifically for water supplies with high iron. The high iron will leave not only your whites nasty but will turn your shower and toilet reddish.

QHow do you keep the flame going in your marriage since you are always busy?

AWell readers, this is a good question that I hear people ask all the time and I thought about this a lot myself. Everyone is different and prefers different things so I can’t give an exact answer on this one but I can give you low down in this dysfunctional household. Since we have cluelessly started a family, the inferno that once was our sex life fizzled down to one of those glow sticks you would find at a rave, the next morning. What helps? I have noticed the sexy little things about my husband. The thing that really gets my burner lit is when I walk into the kitchen and find him unloading the dishwasher, talk about HOT! And if he decides to take it one step farther and reloads it back up, it’s like Skinamax all up in here. So yeah, fornication still isn’t frequent in this duo, but that just makes it even more fantastic when it does. If that answer still isn’t good enough then maybe you should read this blog by Danielle from Keeping Up With The Holsbys.

QDo you agree TV is an imagination killer and a contributor to childhood obesity?

AOkay, I just had to choose this one because it was so specific and I wondered about this myself when I was first trying to figure out this thing called child rearing. I started off on the whole “TV Bad” bandwagon because yes I was afraid that I would be starting a horrible habit and later on in life I saw my little one sitting on the couch eating Twinkies and not being so little at all. It was a very frightening and blatantly disgusting. I, like most moms, want my little one healthy and happy. Then I learned what it was like to try to do ANYTHING when you have a child. I then learned to turn on the TV and drag some toys out. My kid is not just sitting in front of the couch-potato1TV all day; she is up running around while watching bits of TV or dancing to the TV while I’m cleaning house. So no, I do not think TV contributes to overweight children. I think lazy parents contribute to overweight children. Children are sponges, they learn by examples and if your children don’t see you up moving around then they will do the same. Get your kids up and out, keep them moving. As for the imagination part, I disagree again. I claim to add amazing  actress to my long list of titles, don’t burst my bubble, and I get my inspiration for roles from my imagination and my imagination is often fueled by what I see on TV.

For a short answer, no, I disagree with you my dear question asker.

Do you have a question that you are just itching to know the answer to?

Do you have an issue you and need advice?

Did google let you down again?  

Well ask this Housewife!

Enter your question below

Can you smell the CATastrophe in the mornings?

Hurley Jayn, the alarm clock

Hurley Jayn, the alarm clock

So I have found myself in a rut, like I imagine so many other mothers have found themselves. Every day it’s always the same thing.  Wake up to either dog kisses, kitty prances, or toddler screaming. No time to listen to the birds sing. I either let the affectionate pooch outside to G.O., feed the irritated feline, or grab the incarcerated toddler from her pen. No time to enjoy a cup of joe, got to fill the screaming, meowing, and whimpering mouths with breakfast. Then its off to the magical land of kitchen-choria where I frolic in dirty dishes and dog hair coated flooring.

Vacuum, laundry, NAP TIME!

Nap time, oh the words of relief.

Those glorious sixty minutes, those 3,600 seconds. I plop down on the couch and b.r.e.a.t.h.e.

Everyday the same thing. I feel like I’m stuck in the movie Groundhog Day, but without the pay. Where is Bill Murray when you need a laugh? That’s when you make yourself laugh at the small things. Hopefully I’ll be laughing after this morning.

TIP #3.  Counter top cleaner and Lysol result in a slippery surface and bruised bottom.

Well, the fuzzy and the not-so-fuzzy kids decided to mix it up a little this morning. In between breakfast and kitchen-choria, I ran into a river of pussy cat puke. I didn’t find it very interesting but the tater tot did. She pulled herself from her pancake sticks to investigate. Oh, when I say investigate, I mean investigate. I returned to the scene of the accident to find mommy’s little detective finger painting with feline bile. I freaked out. She tried to flee, but in the process she ran right through the mess, slipping and turning her finger painting master piece into a slip-n-slide. Not cute.

Sadly, this is not the end. After the frantic plunge and coating of vomit, I decided a mandatory bathing became first priority. So I dropped the paper towels and cleaners and ran the bath. One spanking clean tot later I returned to the mess to find the dogs also found the pile appealing. Needless to say, I didn’t think paw prints were cute either.

*SLIPPERY WHEN WET*

*SLIPPERY WHEN WET*

Finally, the mess was taken care of. I finished the job off with some disinfectant and a sigh of relief. As I was putting the cleaners back to their settling positions, I was distracted by the sound of little feet, a big thud, and a wail. *NOTE I DID NOT SEE A WARNING ON THE BACK OF THE LYSOL CAN* I then did the motherly thing and comforted my little one and her bruised little bottom, thinking it was all over. I then caught the familiar sound of gagging kitty. Yup, the kitchen still isn’t clean.

I guess a mother’s job truly is never done.

I Do Not Claim to Be A Writer…

I do not claim to be a writer, I barely got a B in my English courses. I do however claim to be a mother. An expert on very unconventional, sometimes dysfunctional, parenting. I guess you can also throw in housewife. Again, not the best. I decided to hand out my successfully dysfunctional tips on being the perfectly rotten housewife. So, if you are actually good at dinner or you just can’t turn those whites the most feminine shade of carnation pink, you have come to the right women. Grab a crayon and paper, lock your little one in their room, and let the master school you.

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