Who is the Perfectly Malfunctioned Housewife?

    I am a twenty-six year old new mother to an incredible little lady, who’s hell-bent on breaking me. But I have not given in yet and am holding on to the little bits of sanity I gained through the gene pool my own relatives passed down.

   Living in a small town in Ohio with my husband, Dave; daughter, Riley Paige; and seven other kids of the furry variation, my life is full of non-stop “oops”s, “uh-oh”s, “WHAT THE HELL”s, and “I need a drink”s.  I have been blind folded and dropped into a world of Donna Reed, Carol Brady, and (dare I compare myself to) Marge Simpson. I’ve handed over the parties, youthful romances, and spontaneity for a wedding ring and mom jeans. Before Riley showed up I never knew how to change a diaper, I thought swaddling was an action involved in Shaken Baby Syndrome  and those little bulb syringes; who knew were used for stuffy noses? Don’t even get me started on the belly button jerky. 

   I was an over compulsive neat freak with a sad phobia of human tongue touching any part of my irrational body. Then I was granted with this little snotty, drooling, diaper pooping bundle of joy.Sadly, all the episodes of 16 and Pregnant and A Baby Story in the world could not have prepared me for what laid in store for me.

 Imagine Paris Hilton waking up June Cleaver. This should be interesting.


My Tot and I at the Columbus Zoo – 2013

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